Don't Come Near My Branches!
by JinfoBaggins
Summary: Can't a tree just live in peace? The whomping willow is annoyed that students and birds keep pestering it, when it just wants to be left alone. A monologue from the whomping willow's point of view.


**Attack of the Blue Crazed Beast**

Urgh. It's that time of year again. When those pesky human brats will all be returning to the castle and will be wandering in MY grounds and coming over and daring each other to try and poke me. ME! How dare they! They don't like it when I try and poke them back do they? NO! Why can't they just leave me alone, rude little beasts. One or two more days of freedom I reckon. And then the tormenting will start.

But then again, there will be some fresh blood. Those unsuspecting littlest ones who have just arrived for the first time and come and sit under my branches thinking I am just one of those _normal_ trees. As if anyone could ever mistake me for one of those pathetic excuses for plants! No one is like me! I am more glorious than all of them. But I'll soon show those ignorant fools the truth. One minute they'll by me all laughing and joking and pretending they like each other to try and make friends or whatever nonsense the et up to and then BAM! WHACK! Suddenly they'll be running screaming. And then they will learn the proper respect for me. They will learn to fear me! And they will avoid me and I can get peace and quiet.

Never did understand why other trees put up with that endless chattering and that shrieking laughter that always sets my leaves on edge. Sitting under me and writing things on bits of paper as if they're better than me because they can go to school and can do boring thing like read and write and magic and all of that. Ha! Who needs that when you can attack! I can hit birds out of the sky! Can they do that? No, they can't. So, stop pestering me and GO AWAY. You are not worthy of me.

What's that? There's something in the sky there. Probably a bird. Oh, I hope it comes too close. I could do with scaring something a bit. Maybe get a nice head shot. That will teach it. Actually, that's quite big for a bird. It's huge and I have never seen anything like it! Maybe I should give it a warning hit, just to show it who's boss. Yes, that's a great idea. Then it won't come too close. Except it's coming closer. Get away from me you huge blue thing! Huh, it doesn't even have wings?! What kind of creature is this?! Oh, who cares! Just stay away from me!

HOW DARE IT! It just crashed straight into me! And it was going fast and damn that thing is heavy! That really hurt. You stupid creature, all you've done is made me really angry. ATTACK! ARRRGGGHHH yes, a lovely head shot there. And it's smashed! Even better! That will teach you to attack me. NO ONE TOUCHES ME! You will pay! Now it's growling at me! Who dares to growl at the might of me! NO! You did not just do that?! It hit me. Again. It rammed me! Oh, that is IT! DIE STUPID BEAST, DIE! I will get you. Ah a lovely hit there, I can feel its shell caving in! Excellent. Go for the kill shot now and – oh great, it's running away.

And now it's sat there just outside my reach, taunting me. I can't quite get it, maybe it I uproot one end and throw myself all the way forwards… No, not quite close enough. Damn you! Come and closer and I will destroy you! I will squash you to a pulp! I will make you bleed and – what the? It's now spitting something out. It's eaten a couple of those bratty students up at the school! And now it's spitting them out at me. Oh, that is the last insult! I will get you! AARRGGHHHH! Come closer you coward! And now its regurgitating more stuff. There's one of those irksome owls that likes to try and land in my branches. Oh, you come at me owl and I will knock you from the sky. You do not land on me! Oh, it's in a cage. This is some really weird creature eating owls in cages.

And now it's run away to the forest. YOU COWARD! THAT'S RIGHT YOU RUN FROM ME! YOU KNOW I WILL DESTROY YOU! LIVE IN FEAR OF MY WRATH! Oh look! Those students are still alive, maybe they will come within range so I can squash them? Urgh maybe not. Now they're running away too. How dare you leave when I want to destroy you?! I will get you one day!


End file.
